Loving Your Child Like Jesus Does

Listening to the congregation sing “you’re a good, good Father” the Sunday morning I turned 15 was hard — believing there was such a thing felt impossible. I’d seen how my stepdad, the only father I’d ever known, treated me as his daughter. And as desperate as I was to be loved and wanted after two years of bouncing between a dozen foster homes, I had yet to see much good come from trusting in God, much less a “father.”

Love’s Absence

My parents lost custody of me after I ran away at 13 years old. My stepdad has been physically and sexually abusing me for the last 10 years of my life. My mom knew all about what was happening and did nothing to protect me. Suffice it to say, by 15 I was deeply scarred and angry. No one wanted me. I lived in a group home, and while I was grateful to the staff who made me cupcakes and sang to me, that birthday was anything but happy.

Sunday was one of the few bright spots of each week. On Sundays, a young man came to pick me up and take me to church. He sometimes brought along a bag of homemade snickerdoodle cookies from his mom. Knowing she’d made and sent them just for me brought a little warmth back into my heart. She didn’t even know me, and I wondered if that’s what a real mom, a real parent was supposed to look like.

Love’s Plan

That Sunday, we were running late to church and walked in mid-worship. Singing about how much God loved me that day felt like a lie. “Come on,” I thought. “Look at my life. Is this really what God’s love looks like? Or does He just pick favorites?” I rolled my eyes, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. But anger couldn’t keep the tears from coming.

I wanted good parents, like the mom who made snickerdoodle cookies. Little did I realize that as the pastor launched into a sermon about how God makes a home for the lonely (Psalm 68:6), the very parents I envied were making the decision to get licensed for foster care just so they could make me a part of their family.

Love’s Path

Moving into my foster family’s home didn’t immediately resolve all the anger and trauma I carried. But the way they treated me illustrated an unconditional love I had never experienced, and over time, it began to change everything.

They demonstrated that love in three practical ways that mirrored the love of Jesus to me.

1. They accepted me as I was.

The best example of this that comes to mind is how they responded to my smoking habit when I moved in. They didn’t chastise, correct or punish me. They didn’t even take my cigarettes away. Instead, they gave me an ashtray and showed me a place outside near the house where I could smoke.

I was accepted as I was for the first time in my life with no need to clean myself up or change my behavior to earn their love. They simply loved me first and showed me that I was, in fact, loveable. ‍

2. They stuck with me.

Ten years of abuse and trauma had built a wall around my heart, making relationships and trust difficult. It wasn’t a conscious choice that I made, but looking back I can now clearly see that I pushed them away at every turn, testing their love to see if it was genuine. They were not easily deterred and stayed the course. Over and over they graciously forgave me. This paved the road to my own repentance and forgiveness of my sin and, eventually, to even forgiving my parents.

3. They taught me compassion.

My foster parents had teenage sons, and I consistently did, said and wore things most Christian parents wouldn’t want their children exposed to. But rather than thinking of what their family might lose by bringing me into the family, they focused on what I might gain. Like Jesus, their love saw and moved toward my brokenness instead of away. They willingly set aside their fears, knowing that light overcomes darkness, not the other way around.  

Love’s Reward

To this day, I credit my foster family with not only saving my life but my eternity. How would I have ever learned that Jesus really loves me had they not stepped in to show me His love in a tangible and practical way? It could only have come through God’s people softening my heart to His goodness and proving that He saw me, wanted me and loved me.  

Through my foster family, I finally found the One who was looking for me all along. I will forever be grateful that they chose to love like Jesus loves — unconditionally, sacrificially and permanently.

Read Tricia’s full story here.