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The First Hour of a New Placement
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A lot happens within the first hour of a new foster placement. This initial time of transition can be overwhelming, stressful and confusing for both the foster family and the child moving in. But by implementing a few practical tips, you can approach the big moment with calm and confidence.
Before they arrive.
You just hung up the phone having said yes to a new placement. They’re already on their way. This is the time to prepare your heart and mind to receive a new member of the family.
First, take your excitement and anxiety and go before the Lord in prayer. Ask for His peace, His wisdom and His guidance. Pray over your family and over the child currently enroute to a future unknown.
Next, go over the plan. What questions do you have for the case worker? What information and paperwork do you need to collect? Things to add to this list include the child’s placement paperwork, medical needs, upcoming appointments and visits, belongings and developmental status. [I.e. is the child potty trained, do they need a car seat, etc.]
Finally, put yourself in their shoes. Take a minute to imagine how this day may affect the child and prepare to respond with compassion. Consider the stress and fear running through their body as they prepare to move in with a group of strangers. Children often experience a range of emotions during this transition and may not know how to react.
They need you to remain calm and kind no matter what.
When they arrive.
Start slow. When the child(ren) first arrive at your home, try to get down on their level to introduce yourself and your family. Refrain from asking them a bunch of questions or overwhelming them with information. Remember, this has likely been a hard and emotional day for them.
Start with a house tour. Make sure they know where the bathroom is first. There’s nothing worse than needing to go and being too nervous to ask. Next, you can show them their room and where they can put their things. Depending on how long the case worker can stay, this may be a good time to go over your list with them.
Next on the tour, show where you sleep and go over the route between their room and yours. As you continue walking through the house, clearly identify any places that are off limits for kids. Be clear and concise, saying something like, “Only Mommy and Daddy can go in this room because it’s Mommy’s workspace.” Or, “kids aren’t allowed to open this cabinet for your safety.” Remember, clear is kind. And they will likely need reminders in the future.
End your tour in the kitchen. Depending on the situation, they may not have eaten much that day. While showing them where the garbage is and where the snacks are kept, you might ask if they feel hungry. This gives them the opportunity to take a break and fill their belly before taking in more information. Take this time to ask what their favorite foods are (put them on your shopping list for later), their favorite restaurants or any foods they may not like.
Familiar food can help the child feel more comfortable.
Once they’re settled.
After the child has a basic acquaintance with their surroundings, make a plan for the rest of the day. Depending on what time of day they arrive, you may offer to take them to the store, go get food or watch TV until bedtime. Whatever you do, keep it low-key and follow their lead. They may want some alone time. They may want to explore your toy box. They may not respond at all. It’s important to remember that the first hour of a placement doesn’t indicate how the next few days or weeks will go. Give them time to process this big change.
Next, make a shopping list. Take note of the items they bring with them and what you may need to go get right away. They may come in with nothing but the clothes on their back or several bags of luggage. Putting together a quick list can help you ask for what you need from your community/church or make a quick run to the store to grab the necessities.
Finally, take a deep breath. Every new placement is different and has its ups and downs. Some children struggle to accept a new caregiver right away. Some need space to mourn what they just lost. Give yourself grace as you navigate your own emotions and expectations for the future. Tomorrow is a new day.
Whether a child is with you for just one night or the rest of their childhood, you have a unique opportunity to fill this day with kindness, love and safety. You’ve got this!
For tips on what to do with the next 23 hours of a new placement, see The First 24 Hours blog post.
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